Puns for Educated Minds

 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference. 
 He acquired his size from too much pi.

 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out 
 to be an optical Aleutian.

 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was 
 a weapon of math disruption.

 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum 
 Blownapart.

 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking 
 into it.

 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to 
 the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium 
 at large.

 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a 
 seasoned veteran.

 17. A backward poet writes inverse.

 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your 
 count that votes.

 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The 
 stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion 
 allowed per passenger.'

 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says 
 'Dam!'

 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the 
 craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your 
 kayak and heat it too.

 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other 
 says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root 
 canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Thanks Randy