Socially Unacceptable Humour

 

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.

Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside!

Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."

He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair." 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.

I said, "You're obviously not listening." 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So, I have been to St Vinnie’s to get all of her clothes back.

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.


A mate of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.

I said "How can you tell them apart?"

He said "Her brother's got a moustache."

Thanks Richard