Words of Wisdom

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, You should have remained a virgin...'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

<><> 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: -
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

<><> 
 
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain

<><> 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

<><> 

Santa Claus has the right idea.Visit people only once a year.
  
- Victor Borge

<><> 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

<><> 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife,you'll become happy; If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

<><> 
  
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

<><> 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

<><> 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

<><> 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

<><> 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

<><> 

Money can't buy you happiness.... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

<><> 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath


<><> 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap.


- Bob Hope



<><> 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields


 <><> 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.


- Will Rogers


 <><> 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.As you grow older, it will avoid you.


- Winston Churchill

<><> 



Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..


- Phyllis Diller


 <><> 

 
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,he's too old to go anywhere.


- Billy Crystal

 

<><> 


 And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more,

and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Thanks Kerry